Nothing new with Deltona (thank goodness).
I'm trying to come down off of being extremely stressed from multiple things going on in my life. Along with the wedding I am trying extremely hard to land a part time job for while I am in school. It is very discouraging to go into an interview and come out with hope and then to have that hope smashed and crumpled. If I didn't need to work I wouldn't worry about it but I need the job to be able to supplement my student loan, to be able to pay for board exams later, and to be able to pay my lawyer so I can file bankruptcy. The story behind that - a few years back I got very sick at work and was put on disability for several months. At the end of the disability it was discovered that I had markers for either systemic Lupus or RA. Nothing to really be concerned about at this stage of my life. However, the physical symptoms I was experiencing while on disability made it so that I had to quit my job. During this time of reflection I decided to change careers and do something closer to my heart since I am still young and cannot risk the continued high stress of my old position (I was a contractor and probably would have ended up terminated at the end of my contract term since I had missed so much work). So, with all of this going on I had to put my house up for short sale. This dragged out for months and the stress of it was wearing on my health and well being. Then it got to the point where I had to opt for foreclosure. I spoke with a lawyer at that point who determined this to be the best option for my circumstance. At this juncture I had just started school too.
That is what is going on now. I am still trying to get a job. I am still facing the foreclosure mess without a lawyer (I will not ask my parents to help with this because it is my battle and not their responsibility). With all this chaos going on it is a wonder that Mr. Adorable wants to stick by my side. He must really love me :)
Other recent wedding related events - My maid of honor (GP) just got engaged. I am immediately hearing how 'stress-free' and small she intends her wedding to be. Funny. Mine started off that way too. It did not last long. When she gets into the thick of it she will realize the family politics and that sometimes you have to endure bull shit to keep peace in the family. I say this because there were a few remarks alluding to me being too accepting of BS. Which brings me around to another point - WHY the Hell do people insist on treating me like a child? I know I can be immature at times (who isn't?) but why on earth do people constantly compare their situations to mine and then treat me like I am a kid who needs to be counselled on the proper way to handle life? I have been through a lot in my life. I know I am not perfect and I do make mistakes. But why is it that people insist my stress is out of control when I decide to voice it? Most of the time I am a very calm individual and I fight my own battles. So where do people get off telling me that my issues are small/ not to get mad or react/ talking to me in terms that place me in a subversive position (a child's position)? The point is - no one has a right to be that way to anyone (I am not talking about parent to child relationships). And no - I am not jealous of GP. When the comments first started and I noticed my guard going up I began to check myself and ask those questions. And the answer is 'no'. I am not. I just want myself and my situations/ issues to be treated respectfully. And the way her comments came across sounded more like, "I am not going to do what you did because it was a disaster." That was probably not what was intended but it is how it came across. This was not well received by me because I am already at the stage where I want this wedding to be over. Why is it girls/women cause so much drama???? I had very little drama before I involved bridesmaids. I just think over and over - WHY did I allow Kermit and Deltona's court house situation to influence my decision to not elope? But, even now, I think I would have made the same decision to have a wedding because my parents deserve to see ONE of their kids walk the aisle.
.....Such a sick and twisted game....... why can't people just be happy?
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