Not so much wedding drama as it is dealing with the psychology of getting married. As the days draw closer I am growing more anxious. Not because I am afraid of Mr. A but more so because of other factors. I will be seeing family members that I haven't seen for over 10 years and dealing with a large group of people. I know these people love me but social phobia is a hard thing to deal with. In fact, that may be another blog topic I will explore. People do not understand social phobia at all. And it is very difficult to explain the behaviors associated with it.
Today I am experiencing anxiety because of a letter from my car insurance company. I will not go into details about it and most would say it is an easy matter to rectify - but it still involves me having to call the company and talk to people (again - social phobia). So I decided I would handle the issue tomorrow because nothing can be done about it right now at present. Knowing that does not relieve the anxiety I feel towards it and nor will it enable me to sleep tonight.
Another thing stressing me is that my nephew is having his birthday this Sunday. That means I have to be in the same room as Deltona and, quite frankly, I am not ready to do that yet. I keep telling myself that I am going for my nephew and not for her but even this is hard. I do not hate Deltona but I am still very much hurt and upset by what went down a few weeks ago. I need more time away from her and some peace to be able to mentally digest everything properly.
I'm wishing that Mr. A would get a little more involved with the wedding planning. I feel like I have been shouldering a huge amount of this myself. I am not sure if it is even worth bringing this up with him because I do feel like I may just be reacting due to stress.
My parents have been dealing with a lot lately and have also been helping shoulder the wedding. Grandma has been in the hospital all week. She fell trying to make it to the restroom and ended up breaking her hip, pelvis, and sacrum. Her back was so bruised the doctor was concerned about her kidneys and she hit her head and has been delirious all week. Today she seems to be doing better and has had continual improvement (with the exception of a UTI she got while in the hospital).
Tonight, though, the reason I cannot sleep is because I am thinking about all the bills I cannot pay until my job situation is fixed. It is depressing and it really bothers me that kids half my age that are on drugs can land jobs but I can't even get a call back from McDonalds. How crack-headed is that? I need employment ASAP! And no - that lady that was supposed to buy my art has not arranged to pick it up. I will have to put my pieces back on the market.
Per the wedding planning, it is on course. Still no word from our minister but I will be visiting on Sunday so I will corner him then. The itinerary is done. I even made a power point presentation to illustrate what is supposed to occur in the ceremony and how the procession is to play out. Also completed is the guest program for the ceremony. I have instituted the rule of no electronics during the ceremony which I am getting a ton of crap for. I mean, think about this for a second - you pay 1500$ + for a decent wedding photographer (ours hacked off a huge amount of the cost because of the time of our wedding and because of references). So, paying a large amount of money wouldn't you want your photographer to be able to maneuver with ease and get the best possible shots? To not have to worry about someone's LED screen ruining the shot? Also- for me, I would become more nervous and distracted if guests were whipping out their camera phones. And mostly - If I am paying for you to be at my wedding then I want you to experience it and be present. I personally, am tired of competing for attention with phones. People are addicted and they need to know when it is appropriate to turn it off. (Also - keep in mind, I only requested the ceremony be 'unplugged'. The guests can phone/LED/Camera all they want during the reception).
Aside from this, it is all going smoothly again. Just waiting for Mr. A to get off work early one day next week to be able to go apply for our license.
And a side rant because this is driving me BONKERS!!!! Mr. A STILL has his boxes from storage sitting in our living room. It is a freaking tower and I cannot use my desk until they are moved. They have been there for four weeks come Saturday. He said they would be cleared out last week. I know it was raining but COME ON! I do not want to be 'that' person but it looks like I will have to bite the bullet and nag him to get the boxes OUT. Or just do it myself but then that is not resolving anything. The mess is really affecting my disposition.
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